Top contender for funniest 2 sentence story.
every girl should be allowed to lie on the floor for 16 hours a day to cope with the agonies
when youre tired on public transit and start thinking "let me rest my eyes a bit" thats the devil talking
she is very persuasive
where am i
Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi
those are his hooves you bitch
This post changed us fundamentally
So weird to see a post this old and no one is deactivated
[ID: A photo of Lil Wayne in a pool at a party. He is wearing socks, which underwater look very much like hooves. End ID]
I hate when spellcheck tries to capitalize the word “god” or “christ” like bro I’m literally trying to use the lord’s name in vain over here, please DONT put some respect on his name
(Bruce Wayne voice) I’m Bruce Wayne, from Gotham City, I’m participating in Nailed It! because for years I’ve tried to learn how to bake to impress my father [cuts to old pic of baby Bruce trying to whisk in a bowl, wearing a crooked chef hat, Alfred trying to help him with a really loving look on his face], and- (someone in the background yells LIAR!!) (Bruce covers his face, the background music stops) fine I lost a bet to one of my kids and they thought it would be hilarious for me to participate because I’m terrible in the kitchen [cuts to picture of grown Bruce with a pan on fire, looking absolutely frantic, sad trombone sound] [the people behind the camera laugh]
First challenge is recreating justice league cake pops, the camera zooms into Bruce who has the biggest forced smile ever on his face as he holds a cute green lantern pop.
Bruce: nailed it!
Nicole: (cackling as the camera zooms into the ugliest cake pop her eyes have ever laid on) WHAT IS THAT!
Bruce, as the camera pans into the details of the mess of a pop: personally I think it’s an accurate depiction of green lantern
The cake challenge is making a giant cake with ALL the known batvigilantes in Gotham.
- As bruce whisks in a bowl midway the process, if you edit the clip to make it loud enough you could hear him muttering under his breath why the fuck did I adopt so many kids
- Nicole: and I genuinely don’t know what mr wayne is doing over there (cackle) (camera cuts to Bruce frantically counting the figures before adding them to the final cake as he knows if he forgets any of them they would never let him live it down)
- Nicole: oh I love the purple you chose for spoiler’s Cape! / Bruce: it’s actually eggplant but thank you nic!
- Jacques: as….. lo…vely as this cake looks.. I can’t help but notice.. you forgot to add batman to it
- Bruce: (huge bleep)
Bruce: [makes a paper towel cowl and puts it over his face]
Bruce: [stands behind his cake and sort of looms there]
Bruce, as foppishly as possible: I’ll be being Batman. [doing the growly voice really badly] I’m Batman.
Voices behind the camera: [all laugh]
Paper Towel Batman goes viral in gif form.
(Also Bruce, cutting out Nightwing’s emblem in fondant: I want the vigilantes of Gotham to know that I am making these in a manner designed to be efficient, and not in order of how much I love them.
Host: That’s…nice?)
due to your unwillingness to engage with the unfamiliar we have no choice but to abandon you in a snake pit i'm sorry
This is highly yet subtly ableist-coded.
